Episode 9: How to Love Like Jesus: As a Wife
Our topic this week is on our roles and God’s design for our lives as wives -
We want you to know that fulfilling your God-given role as wife and submission to your husband does not exemplify weakness, but strength, before we dive in, we want to acknowledge that as we talk about marriage and submission, so often it’s misunderstood - If you are in physical danger through a toxic relationship seek help immediately whether it’s by contacting your local law enforcement, find a local women’s shelter or Christian Counseling.
As we begin talking about marriage and roles as wives, we need to all be on the same page and have an understanding of how marriage began. Marriage is NOT man-made, it was God ordained back in Genesis 1 after God created man and woman.
Read Genesis 1: 27-28:
We love that the Bible says God brought her to Adam - Eve was a gift to him - a companion, someone to love, to cherish and to be a helpmeet as we discussed in our very first episode.
One of my favorite verses of scripture that we had read over us at our wedding comes from Ecc. 4:9-12 - At the time in a wedding ceremony where the bride and groom light the unity candle or perform the sand ceremony, we braided and 3 fold cord based on this verse of scripture to symbolize us coming together as one flesh but that we will be stronger with Christ at the center.
Our Pastor, John Dell, read this passage and shared that together we’re good but with me, Derek, and the Lord joined together, it will not be easily broken.
Proverbs also offers us some wisdom and encouragement as wives.
Prov. 18:22 - Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord - a reminder that we are a gift. Proverbs 19:14 “Houses and riches are the inheritance of fathers; and a prudent wife is from the Lord - Prudent means acting with or showing care and thought for the future - that is from the Lord - caring, thoughtfulness.
So now we jump to the New Testament and the teachings from Paul on God’s design for marriage and our role as the wife in the home
Read: Ephesians 5: 22-33
Whew!!! I know what you’re thinking, because we have all felt this way at one time or another - I am NOT submitting to anyone, especially a man - we are no longer living in 1950?! Hasn’t this been our theme - I’m a strong, independent woman! I make my own way and we’re taught this from a young age as women, right?
But if we believe that all scripture is inspired by God and that all scripture is profitable for us as it says in 2 Timothy 3:16 then yes, even THIS scripture, this scripture that is completely counter-culture in today’s world, is beneficial for us - has purpose and meaning and if we obey it, we will reap the benefits of God’s blessings that are always tied to our obedience to HIs word.
Let’s first talk about the word “submit.” This word submit is not an act of force but according to Bible.org is the attitude and action of willingly and wholeheartedly respecting, yielding to, and obeying the authority of another. It is a willingness that comes from your heart to be brought under the protection and authority that has been placed over you by God Himself.
I love the illustration of an umbrella - The husband submits Himself directly to God under the umbrella of his protection and will and then the woman submits herself to the protection and love of the husband.
God does not bring confusion but order and He gives us guidance and instruction to protect our homes and families - if we are constantly in battle with our husbands over who’s in charge, there will be no peace in our homes, but if we are both submitting to the authority and will of God’s design, our homes will be a safe-haven, a refuge and comfort against the world and Satan.
When we look back at Ephesians 5, He uses this illustration to align the home with how the church submits to Christ and I wanted to read this quote from Steven Cole
“When a husband treats his wife poorly and puts her down, he is proclaiming heresy, that Christ abuses and puts down his bride. If he is a dictator over his wife, he tells the world that the gentle, loving Christ is a cruel tyrant. When a man abdicates his headship and lets his wife lead, he preaches that Christ does not lovingly shepherd His church and that the church is free to live out from under submission to Christ, again heretical lies. If a husband deserts his wife, either through unfaithfulness or indifference or by being married to his career or hobbies, he preaches that Christ abandons His church, another falsehood. So as married Christians, our witness to a watching world is very much entwined with how we relate as husbands and wives.”
This idea of submission when it was first written in the bible wouldn’t have been the shocking and earth shattering commandment in this text during this time it actually would have been the teaching of men to love their wives in this way - In this day and time women were property and treated as such. Christianity shifted how women were treated - we were to be loved and protected and cared for which was God’s original design for women.
Our value as human beings is equal (Gal 3:26-28 - For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus and if ye be Christ’s, then are ye Abraham’s seed and heirs according to the promise.)
However, even though our value is equal, our roles are different. There is a huge shift in our society to degrade the God-given design we were created for - men are trying to become women and women are trying to become men but we can’t change how God created us - male and female. We can cut off or add body parts but we can’t change the inherent DNA that was woven into our being as we were knitted together in our mother’s womb. Being a wife is a treasured honor - we don’t have to seek to play the part of a man because our roles are equally important but different - we think differently, we look different and we were designed differently but it’s ok because we are uniquely special. Femininity is not a thing of the past - It’s just as important today as it was in 1950 and our role in the home is just as important as it was then as well.
God did give us gender-based roles and let’s look at Titus 2 as we dive deeper into this topic. We looked at this verse of scripture when we had our moms on a couple of weeks ago but let’s refresh our memories - Titus 2:3-5
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour that becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things: that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
God’s Word plainly tells us our role as women and wives specifically - sober (mommy wine culture - got to intoxicate myself to make it through the day - that is a lie - be soberminded), to love their husbands (one flesh - devoted to one another), to love their children, discreet (self-controlled, wise and prudent in their conduct), chaste (pure in body, affection, words and action), keepers at home (tending to their family affairs) and obedient to the husbands and we’ve already gone more in-depth what is meant by submission and obedience.
I also want to add that “this doesn’t mean that a husband must make every decision, but he is responsible for every decision made.
What if my husband is lost or not leading according to God’s Biblical design?
1 Peter 3:1-2 - Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives: while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
I love this scripture - by your obedience to God and your role as a wife, you can win your husband to the Lord - chaste word again - pure in your conversations with him - your heart, your love and your fear/reverence of the Lord can be what draws him to Christ - but it won’t always happen overnight - it’s not nagging, it’s kindness and love that will draw him to repentance.
What’s the Purpose?
We want you to know that fulfilling your God-given role as wife and submission to your husband does not exemplify weakness, but strength and self control and honor. Don’t listen to the voices of those who don’t even understand what this concept of submission means. It’s not degrading to us as women but it’s honoring and it’s protective of your heart and home. But most importantly it’s God-honoring in fulfilling your role as wife and submitting yourself to His love and protection over you.
What’s our challenge?
Find ways this week to adhere to God’s design for your home - Got a big decision (or maybe start with a small one) and rather than force your husband to give in to your wants and desires - let him lead, pray over him, encourage him but ultimately give him the room to be the leader of your home that God has designed him to be.
